The Gift of Love

This is one of my favorite articles. It is one of those pieces of writing that provide its reader with a sense direction regarding love and gifts from the heart. When it is consumed, digested, and assimilated, it is of immense value. So here it is, with permission from its author, Don Fey.

The Gift of Love
by Don Fey

Love is a gift one person wishes to give to another.
Love exists only as a gift.
To want love is to desire; to expect or be dependent on love is to require.
Love may be desired, but not required; for then it becomes obligation and duty.
Anything you do for or with another person can be an act of love or an act of duty.
Every act of love contributes to us, increasing our inner resource.
Every act of duty takes from us, decreasing our inner resource.
For every act of love received, two acts of love may be given.
For every act of duty required, two less acts of love may be given.
Greater requirements and expectations preclude the possibility of love.
Lesser requirements and expectations enhance the possibility of love.

When a person is mature enough to experience and appreciate a love relationship, they respect, protect, and support it, filling the needs by choice – acts of love.
When a person is too immature to appreciate a love relationship, they proclaim love, but they use and abuse it; filling the needs only to meet or create obligation – acts of duty.

The quality of support one contributes reflects the maturity of the person and the value of the relationship to them.
Love is not given in expectation of reward, but it is given as a gift of value.
The value of love is in its beneficial effect on another person’s life
Love which is neither appreciated nor used beneficially is thrown away, and can provide no value.
That action is a reflection of the recipients’ inability to accept, appreciate or utilize the love given; not a statement of the value of the gift.

If you continually throw love away, you will begin to doubt your love has value.
If you doubt your love has value, you will begin to doubt that you have value.
If you doubt that you have value, you are in danger of losing your most valuable possession, yourself… the source of all you give, and all you are or ever will be.

When you give a gift to a person who requires nothing, they will see a gift, and feel appreciated. They respond and thank you, and you feel appreciated. You both win.

When you give a gift to a person who believes it’s owed to them, they see a payment.
You are supporting the illusion which cripples them, and they are unable to feel appreciation for you. You both lose.

The only difference is the recipients’ perspective. You cannot change that.

To know love , we must learn…
To give and receive acts of love – not acts of duty.
To measure love by what is given – not what is expected.
To recognize and respect our personal value.
To select a recipient mature enough to appreciate your gift of love.

Mr. Don Fey is a teacher, counselor, and author in the field of self improvement. He teaches a system know as Personal Success Technology. This article is reprinted with permission. Copyright 1983 Don Fey & PS Technologies, Inc.